Lu didn't make it.
Fuck you all.
Yeah it could be worse. There’s tons people worse off than me and Lu. But humans had plenty of time to make death and aging a choice.
You could have at least cured poverty so he didn’t have to spend his whole life in this one room with me.
You could have made vet care free so I could have caught whatever it was.
You could have been gene driving pathogens out of the ecosystem.
If even one person with any money had cared about me, like really, Lu would have lived another 5 years and been so much happier the whole time.
I’ve spent my life trying to help strangers and you all wrote me off by default.
Exactly one stranger, one viewer tried to help me.
Fuck you all.
Fuck you all for letting vets be extortionists with banker hours.
Fuck you for not DEMANDING that pets be taken care of at the people hospital.
We could be doing that. We have the technology and plenty of resources.
Lu was better than all of you. He really was.
He didn’t deserve to be cooped up with me.
I didn’t know my life would be like this.
Fuck you all for lying to each other and me so I never got a chance to build a life that wasn’t slavery.
Just really, fuck you all.
I’ll miss you Lu, so much. I love you. You were better than any of us deserved.
He had the right idea 15 years ago, I shouldn’t have bothered trying to help any of you worthless pain monger fucks.
Updates 2024-06-23 0353 PM
Cried about 15 times today, that’s only off by 2 or 3 max. Every time I do something that used to call for checking his reaction or planning for him reminds me he’s gone and never coming back. My face hurts from crying. What good was any of it?
Stuff moves from air flow or settling and I forget that noise isn’t him and then I remember. I find myself desperately cleaning in some futile effort to make this world something less than an irredeemable shithole full of mindless pzeds and pain factories. Of course it isn’t working.
All this worthless junk, held on to out of rightful fear of being monkey pawed by a sadistic cosmos. When none of it will save me. Or you.
2024-06-23 0736 PM
Must have cried 30 goddamn times today. I see a shape out of the corner of my eye and for a split second it’s my fucking cat. And then it’s just a worthless god damn bag.
Final: Part two of this process is here:
I feel your pain. Show me a person who doesn't like animals and I'll show you a person lacking in compassion. I think normal people are drawn to animals because of the purity of their lives. There is nothing in them but pure love for their caregivers. I have owned (and been owned) by many animals over the years and know the pain of their passing. We could learn from their basic goodness if we were of a mind to. I for one am sorry for your loss. I hope in time you will find some peace in remembering him.
I'm terribly sorry! My heart goes out to you.