All I see is Hydrogen Given Time

Take one for the team? I don't see a team.

Transcript:

(00:02) good morning [Music] internet this is my first uh video since my cat died and I think I'm able to talk about it now without crying uh the it's basically like the four worst days like collectively um when it first really occurred to me that he could and likely would die I completely panicked basically and but when you have no power and no money uh there's really nothing I could do and the reason this stuff warrants a

(01:07) video is because there's some big answers I have about grieving and pain and things that I need to talk about like um first of all no the good moments don't outweigh the bad if I could go back in time and not have l I would I would do that why because from a pure pleasure generation standpoint just because of the evolutionary dark crappy nature of um the brain every time like like for the rest of my life I'm going to see somebody petting a cat in the way similar that I would pet Lou and I'm going to think

(02:01) about his death I'm not going to think about the hundreds of thousands 15 16 years of times that I petted him you know I'm not going to think about that I can think about that now and it's almost like taking a dump like you you don't remember the individual instances it just becomes a thing that you did and you know aspects of it and I have video even of doing it because he would you know join me for videos and it's it's not worth it like the only thing that made it remotely worth it is again the one thing

(02:44) this worthless reality has to offer could be worse like it could have been worse for him like people will do horrible things to [ __ ] C that's I'm not even going to elaborate on that okay we are the worst thing in nature it's really not even close and um when you think about an animal's life like out in the woods or what might happen to it it's like the worst thing that might happen to it isn't any anything that would happen in nature like it being killed by a coyote or batted to death by a a big cat you

(03:37) know [ __ ] cougar or something um or maimed and left for dead by by some insect or whatever you know none of that is as bad as being picked by the wrong human and um so yeah it could be worse I kept him from having having a really horrible life right but he didn't have an amazing life because it's funny when I was in grade school and I saw other poor kids I very quickly realized I'm not going to have a kid until I have the money to do it right uh I mean even as a kid I understood that if my parents had like

(04:20) another zero attached to their yearly income my life would be radically different better and I had a good life again similar to Lou right holy [ __ ] I haven't spoken my my stuff hurts anyway um yeah it's it's like yeah he would have had he had an okay life with me but that's not enough you know he he still had a shitty last couple days and I don't know how his death was but I'm going to damn sure find out I guess one of these days right it's going to happen to everybody and that's that's

(05:03) another thing that makes this video worth making I make videos for the ages for the big topics and here's the big [ __ ] topic we need to do something about pain and death and of course you know I've talked about that for years it's like I have to convince you people that pain is bad really really pain itself doesn't do it for you I have to tell you and you don't listen anyway so but yeah it's it's not worth it I'll never have another pet again and really the only kind of pet you

(05:44) should have is like a service animal and I you know I had people refer to my cat as basically like an emotional support animal and like if I wanted to travel with him or something like if I ever had money you I would do something like that give him a little vest and a thing that would be cool okay but see it's an it's a hostage situation it's like Teeth it's a it's it's luxury facebones like I don't have any right to a pet right I can't buy cat food with food card so you know you're you're not

(06:23) allowed to have a cat doesn't count and you can't really feed them from a grocery store at least I mean mine was sick before he got super sick right uh before fleas started attacking him in a way that they had never ever before and completely blindsided us um but yeah um I'll give him half and half and I at first I was afraid it was going to give him constipation or something but he had normal you know that just became something he liked it's like the classic cartoon thing dish of cream like okay cool that's great but

(07:09) that's not all he needs right there's not all the nutrients there um and salmon you know but in addition I had an auto feeder and I put Purina One True Instinct in it the chicken variety it's the one he liked best and uh he ate that but not enough he didn't he didn't really eat it fast enough you know I could get him to eat it if I made real effort like if I and he would never even even then he would never finish what I give him even in a t even in tiny portions you know he would like I could

(07:47) trick him into being interested if I like exploited his habits like he got in this habit of thinking that the fridge meant really awesome food when I always always would offer to share whatever I had and I would give it to him until he would stop eating it right but he would never eat enough to get full he would basically just snack on what I was eating you know he would I could get him to eat like one slice one Thin disc of ham uh and these are not I mean these aren't like baloney slices this is like a third of that mass tiny little slices

(08:23) of H couldn't you ever get him to eat two you know just the one and it was like one a day I could get him to eat maybe a fork full of salmon right and I could get him uh over time like if I left a dish out of half and half he would visit it enough to wipe it out in like the period of asleep which for me it's like four to five hours and that that's that was the best that I could get you know into him calories wise and he was never gaining weight you know and or what started me down that road of course is is the vet you know it's there

(09:04) we we are cool with extortionists in society and that applies to people too we're cool with dentists dentists are totally like vets they they take a basic health need thing and extort money from the weak and the vulnerable for it and you know it's it's it's like it's just not worth it it's kind of like how um I said when I would never have a kid until I had the money to do it right uh cats are cheaper right but holy [ __ ] I did not expect my life to turn out this way when I had him my when I first got

(09:44) him my prospects were a lot better just imagine the world in 2010 all right compared to now and uh I don't know I I just so yeah my and my other cat uh she went missing she just escaped never came back and that was interesting because I think she knew death was coming because she was also very old and um she had never like really had any interest in being outside before and had been outside a couple of times and just came right back in you know it wasn't like I was working to contain her you know some cats you have to do that they

(10:42) they're like Houdini they want out uh but not this one you know and last time I saw her I tried to get her to come back in and she wasn't having it she like backed off and I can't [ __ ] run and chase down a cat right and I tried you know did all the things didn't work I just I was like well I'll be inside and you can come back in when I I'll see you tomorrow and didn't see her tomorrow that's better that's better than having the cat die with you because all I have are memories

(11:19) of that departure I hope she didn't get found by shitty people right I have I hope she didn't get maimed by nature and have a [ __ ] horrible natural death which they all are like uh house was right you know you don't die with dignity it's always ugly now I could probably design a good death you know we have inert gas Narcosis or whatever inert gas ex fixation but again it's like I'm a [ __ ] alien for what want to do that to my cat at home if it gets too bad right so there's no product for that I

(12:04) can't just buy a little kitty Perma sleep pod with a tank of nitrogen why not it goes back excuse me it's just from talking I haven't spoken I've been done like the only noises I've been making for days been crying anyway uh so people just I I've said before about how like we have cats and dogs right they're a huge huge huge part of our lives and yet there's no accommodations built into our housing for them like H houses like you you'll have a a [ __ ] mansion with 18 bedrooms and 57

(12:51) bathrooms and a [ __ ] Hort and there won't be a cat in a dog room it's not just a standard type of room when a [ __ ] one-bedroom apartment should come with a pet room you know every every house if if pets are going to be such a thing every house should be should have a pet room you know with a permanent litter box like a fake sand thing that you can flush and just train the cat to use it or uh you know it's like pool filter sand they they use the sand and then you flush the sand and the sand stays and the use

(13:33) goes you know what I'm saying it's like it's like humanity is not making any effort to integrate these things that we have almost totally integrated how many people have cats and dogs you could even put a little perches for [ __ ] Birds you know what I'm saying it's it's like anyway so there's that right we don't we don't take anything seriously we don't because it's it's like how I'm always saying that nature is not for us you can tell that because 99% of it by surface area

(14:07) is lethal to people you know well you'll either drown or burn or freeze or die of sting or you know it it's it fall or suffocate if you're high up enough you know what I'm saying it's it's just like we require really narrow thin special specific little spaces here and there it's like basically San Diego like that's really the only place on the [ __ ] planet and other places of similar you know climate construction that are made for people actually made for people you know a hairless Naked

(14:44) Ape we're supposed to basically be living in or adjacent to shallow water or diable water for shellfish or an aquatic semi- aquatic ape but anyway um and that that lack of adaptation extends to everything in what's going on hold on stuff's chopping I got to turn some stuff off uh is it this this this off what's going on look at that chop what is going on closing things trying to get back resources whatever's going on task okay

(16:06) huh [Music] python [Music] no OBS okay GPU OBS okay looking for Chop all right guess it's done doing whatever [ __ ] it was doing when Lou really got sick and I basically it was like an emergency one I didn't have transportation which reminds me the society doesn't have transportation in America anyway you know I can't be like Society give me a ride the answer like we don't live in a society we live in a vending machine and this is one of the events that really encapsulates that CU it's like oh you

(17:06) need a ride where's your wallet how much you got well I don't [ __ ] have any right now but it's an emergency could you help out no money I like money you like money and sex we should hang out you know and and this is where my [ __ ] starting to blame people go fits in because it's like like begins because it's like I have 90 [ __ ] [ __ ] every minute of the day going past my house in their 18 [ __ ] ton steel coffins playing Russian roulette so that they can make money for their billionaire

(17:49) [ __ ] owners and I can't just be like you know hitchhiker can you take my cat to the vet here's the thing though no vet it was Sunday and it was late so Banker hours when you're an extortionist you can afford to be [ __ ] lazy so the vet doesn't have isn't just like an emergency room right cuz your loved one doesn't matter unless you have a wallet I don't have a wallet and what else man thankfully my brain is erasing stuff it's the only way I can

(18:58) cope cuz that that was the source of most of the pain in the in the day three or whatever like after he was dead cuz you know you have the Panic phase and then you have the stunned phase it's like did that [ __ ] [ __ ] actually just happen you know and then fall out and you look around and it's like you see all this stuff and it's like well I don't have a cat anymore so none of this stuff applies you know it's it's like the last uh bowl of food right it's like well he ate some of that and that's it he's

(19:40) never going to eat anymore and that's the stuff that gets to you like I can feel it just saying it right and uh but so I I guess how my brain copes with grief is it starts deleting stuff CU it's like until something specifically reminds me like came up in conversation which is like walking down a road you know and it's there that didn't just happen you know it's like sequence of events antecedent stimulus response all that stuff and uh but there were like seven things like that like seven things lined up to kill

(20:24) lot and I can't remember exactly what they were I know it was he was already ill like he was already like he was when he was in his normal State he was like 10 to 12 pounds of muscle he was a very Stout strong animal and then cuz I didn't cut his balls off you know so he didn't get gigantic fat and have hormonal problems and all that stuff and I'm like it seemed disrespectful I mean you know I was like oh they spray it's like okay dude and baby [ __ ] are you going to [ __ ] have their ass surgically

(21:05) removed [ __ ] they make spray that cancels [ __ ] it's it's an enzyme and it cancels catp fine it's not a problem anyway uh so yeah he he was he was Stout and then in the last couple years he started to not be and he started to get pissed with eating and everything and it was like a [ __ ] chore to get into and he probably you know had his own version of luxury face bones issues I don't know uh but and then the fleas showed up and the fleas man this was a new thing like they for years it was a trivial matter of put

(22:04) drops on him comb him you know he'd have two or three fleas but man they they [ __ ] mobbed him and it's funny because once he was gone they mobbed me and I got to experience how insane they are now of course I watched it like I was I was on top of it the whole [ __ ] time diomus Earth is [ __ ] it completely doesn't work like I I was um he liked it like I I could sprinkle it and he he he would lick it he probably wanted calcium and I would do that until he would stop just like with the uh ham and whatever I would

(22:42) give him as much as he [ __ ] wanted and cuz you know you can get like a I had like a 25 pound food grade bag for like 10 bucks or something way back in the day probably less shipped from Amazon I had it in a bucket and um but yeah I had it in a Shaker and I would put it on him cuz he was just sitting there he was not doing well at the end but before that I would put it on him and he didn't care either anyway just because like I said he would lick it and I figured well if he's licking it he won't mind

(23:15) bathing but I would also comb fleas off them and that was pretty effective for a while uh until I apparently made them evolve because they would stop being in the path you know they would stick lower they learned that if I climb I get caught so they'd stay close to his [ __ ] skin and it got to the point and he was skinny right so it wasn't like a fat cat where you have surface because these Combs like the comb I have and I'm keeping it for me like it's this thing right it's a it's a lice comb and uh because I had a

(23:55) flea comb an actual made for the purpose purp flee comb and it sucked it like the the teeth were too wide and I was like well Jesus [ __ ] Christ what good is this it's like well what's smaller than a fce all right so I got a light and that worked except they would stay so close like you can see that there's like like this see that light effect that's because these taper and they're very rounded little points and um the fleas would stay like like you imagine this making an arc of depth when I do that right like that

(24:34) that depth right there that you can see it the lighting change they would stay within that range and no matter how I would come at it I wouldn't get them like [ __ ] what you do have a meeting and uh so then it was this and I have a half hour video of me picking fleas off Lou talking but the mic [ __ ] up and it was muted so I'm not going to upload that so that was [ __ ] up but uh so i' I'd get him get him off him because he'd hold still and he'd let me you know sometimes I'd get hairs but

(25:15) he didn't seem to care so great he was probably just happy to get have the [ __ ] off him but and I put goop on him I put the Fiel and I put another another one with that had two other different active ingredients that that were safe with fippel and not enough cuz they're Sly like the adults like the ones that you see living on your animal are not like they that's that that's like the last third or fourth of their life they typically hop on eat and leave see now I have creepy crawlies whenever a gust of wind brush is over

(25:59) some arm hair I'm like oh Jesus it's a [ __ ] flea cuz I had to bomb this room and I couldn't do that while he was alive because that stuff will kill a cat and and I'm not saying like leave him in it I'm saying it'll it like my room is currently dangerous to cats because of that and I had nowhere to take him anyway you know yay it's again the reason I have to live like this is because Society is full of [ __ ] ignorant collaborating heartless sadistic [ __ ] you know it's like you you

(26:36) [ __ ] will just keep doing your job you won't quit you'll you'll you're letting 300 [ __ ] families run your entire life you you anyway insert people are [ __ ] [ __ ] rant here you know and I know that's not you know correct or whatever but man I didn't grow up then whatever ever it's like [ __ ] I'm disabled I I don't it's not if that word is not offensive to me anyway uh uh he so yeah the the [ __ ] alien fleas that came out of nowhere and then when he finally started to need emergency

(27:32) care I didn't have any money and it was Bankers hours and no transportation and no emergency line when the hospital should just take you know it should be like the Organics repair building that's kind of what that's that's the big part of what I mean when I say like my dad he was all apologizing he he blames himself and I'm like I don't blame you you're not the one that made it so that there isn't a 911 for pets right you're you're you're not the one that made it so that there isn't

(28:13) Universal Health Care for pets it's like they're a symbient species I'm a firm believer in basic income and uh free healthare on the grounds that the whole point point of this is supposed to be making things good for people you know we don't have a society we have a vending machine a society takes care of its constituents a vending machine exploits everything around it for money which one do we live in I ask it's obvious it's a [ __ ] vending machine capitalism is a paperclip maximizer and

(28:55) we we're slowly being ground up and turned into profit that's what it wants it wants to turn everything into profit so yeah people killed my cat and I keep thinking of a line and shooter somebody told him to run or whatever and he's like I don't think you understand these boys killed my dog and I'm like I feel that now you know and at the same time you know I'm aware of how trivial that is on the hierarchy of Horrors that happen to people I mean I'm I'm constantly writing about

(29:43) Gaza so I know how [ __ ] horrible people can be to each other and I saw a video of of like a sardine Harvest coming up on the the beach and there was like literally a million flapping sardines and I'm like that is a lot of pain and distress in one [ __ ] video shot and everybody's happy scooping them up with buckets yay free fish I'm like yeah I mean I eat too but I wouldn't if I didn't [ __ ] have to you know what I'm saying like everything about this sucks it's it's a pain Factory I swear to God the

(30:27) Louch Farm idea is really plausible when you think about how much suffering per kilogram the surface of the Earth produces the only thing that makes me think it's not a Lo Farm is the fact that it's just a thin veneer on a gigantic sphere that's a waste of surface area I feel like if it was actually a a loou farm it would be more like lungs you know it would be a whole bunch of surface area so that you could get maximum suffering per square meter but it seems like that's the [ __ ] objective you

(31:06) know one of the reason one of the things that tells me that we're not in a lch farm is like the it's not uh and I'll post about this to those groups later because I I follow them just for entertainment basically um is if if if it really was if we really were you know in a lot in a factory farm they would jack up our our population they wouldn't be crashing it the way they are because if you wanted to turn Earth into corusant you totally could you just fund the bottom people would spread it would be like a pyramid you know like

(31:45) the bottom would be be constantly spreading out how many people wouldn't take their basic income and just move out into the woods somewhere you know you you could start issuing the land but that's not what the bank did and the bank run Earth so the bank was basically like instead of uh like they had the blueprint like um move west you know get your free Farm your free Homestead if if the bank that owned Earth really wanted you know maximum pay for per square meter they would encourage you you you could fit like a

(32:25) trillion people on this planet like you the the entire uh planet's human population could fit in Texas if all of Texas was New York City density it's it's obvious that that density is not unlivable plenty of people like New York you know sitting aside the uh economics and [ __ ] policies you could fit that many people in that area comfortably and feeding them and handling all the water and everything that's easy to do it's it really is it's [ __ ] nuclear power machines and you know so why are they

(33:02) killing us all off you know we're not in a Lou Farm but at the same time I see pain Factory everywhere I mean the [ __ ] you take a step in your lawn you're hurting things you know like just ask janest they'll tell you all about who you're hurting and what you're hurting and what you got to do to avoid hurting stuff and holy [ __ ] it's hard like cheesecloth so that you don't inhale bugs you know filter your water and make sure it's covered so that it doesn't drown anything you know what I'm saying it's

(33:36) like you have to try [ __ ] hard and of course you can't eat any of the stuff that you're designed to eat you know forward- facing semi-aquatic the The Aquatic food chain is hyper carnivore you know it's it's all about ripping something apart and eating it alive lamp Pras taking a [ __ ] bite out of something [ __ ] everything is bad here you know and so like Society is not making any substantive effort to care for all these animals that we all [ __ ] love and I blame people for that I blame the

(34:15) greedy of course and our Banker overlords but I also blame people because they they just go about their day like it's not [ __ ] happening it's like I have bad news you have stage four terminal aging you're going to die you're going to at best if nothing else shitty happens you're going to slow rot from [ __ ] aging so how much of your resources are you are you know and I mean cognitive I mean time are you aiming speech are you aiming at the problem of Aging the answer for the vast majority of people

(34:51) is none and that goes back to I have to explain pain and death are bad apparently [ __ ] so I just do not understand I feel like a [ __ ] alien what is wrong with you [ __ ] people a lot a lot is wrong with people so yeah that like that's really the counter to my blaming them I guess is but that okay I was going to say that I was going to say that the counter to my blaming them is well well they don't care about their own suffering either so it's self-punishing but then I'm like punishment doesn't [ __ ] fix anything

(35:48) like okay like let's say I have some guy we we'll call him villain X and he's directly responsible for all the horrible [ __ ] that happened to L I'd kill him right but I would wouldn't torture him I just want him gone and uh that's an animal reaction I I would feel shitty afterwards i' be like well I'm a murderer now great you know so I actually wouldn't right it's it's like cooler heads it's like I'm always saying the the worst thing I'd do to anybody is a

(36:24) low security finish prison cell it's like you don't get to hurt any anybody ever again but I'm not going to let anybody else hurt you and I'm not going to hurt you and what I want is [ __ ] prevention you know I want the [ __ ] to not happen again for anybody and the thing is I'm not the first one here we had 500,000 years of human history to get our [ __ ] together and we never got our [ __ ] [ __ ] together and you know it's like I just feel like it it was it seemed like it was going to be a

(37:08) better it seemed like it was going to play out better when I took him in first of all it wasn't an adoption it was supposed initially it was uh basically cat sitting you know I had a friend she was between places to stay but that's the thing right you can't [ __ ] go places with a pet unless you have a ton of [ __ ] money and you can afford to find you know a master that allows you to have a pet it's like does your landlord allow you to have pets it's like thank you master you're so generous obsequious collaborators man

(37:46) and sists that's [ __ ] 90% of people right there and I just I'm just I I'm having existential burnout because it's it's it's a symptom of a larger problem and it's going to happen to everything and everyone I care about so I'm not having any more [ __ ] pets and I love my family but they have never had any kind of interest in the long term like I I was a deep super Optimist futurist for basically all of the 2000s and I was like constantly telling them about you know cryonics and stuff and

(38:39) they're just they just not [ __ ] interested they have they have spiritualities I think there's stuff and maybe they're [ __ ] right you know I don't know but I don't see the harm in preparing [ __ ] yep that's how I killed most of them well no not actually most anyway I was I was going to talk about that earlier uh when I was combing Lou I would comb him and pull the fleas off with the fur and put him in a cup of De and then cover the cup and shake it and they would get buried alive and they were really

(39:24) terrible at jumping out of that cup I'd say I got one in a 100 escapees you know one in a thousand jumps actually made it um but yeah it would take six hours sometimes 10 for all the fleas I had caught in the de cup to die and uh so yeah doesn't and and it didn't like so that means walking around in it being actively shaken and buried in it takes a long ass time to kill him and it I guess covering him in it didn't do anything you know so but one flea bomb when when they finally realized they were all starving I woke up one day

(40:24) and sat down here and I had 10 on me in 10 seconds they were on me and that day like that was the mission for that day it's like well it's time to go get a bug bomb you know I was sitting on my porch basically feeling homeless because it's like I have nowhere else to go I have this room in this entire city and that's it so that [ __ ] sucks and that was a nice reminder and that's causing me some existential [ __ ] dread um I got now I got the creepy crawlies it's like oh is that is every little windy

(41:01) tingle is that a [ __ ] flea you know is that a mole on my foot or is that a [ __ ] flea oh it's a mole you know lost my train of thought but really it's all one thing it's it's like I live in a society that's not a society I I live on a on a planet dominated by completely mindless Apes I saw somebody somebody made a uh like a it was like six images of Tesla from youngest to oldest and he and he this you know and and somebody commented it's like oh you had that thinking pose on lockdown I like that's not the

(41:49) thinking pose that's the I'm surrounded by idiots pose it's it's it's like it's like the polite version of that you know where you're just like oh Jesus God I'm not saying I'm a genius I'm a you know Tesla level genius but I am above average and I do objectively see some stuff that apparently no one else [ __ ] sees like how pain is bad and it's an endless source of frustration for me it's like guys like for example here's just one of the many um let's say I wanted to do Russian

(42:35) Roulette on YouTube right they wouldn't they obviously wouldn't let me do that that's basically like snuff film eventually I'd [ __ ] pull a deer hunter right um but they'll let people wing suit they'll let people free climb to 5,000 ft or whatever they'll let people do Insane Motocross stunts and I'm just like how's that not Russian roulette with different odds because when you step back that's [ __ ] everything every time you get in a car every time you get in a plane

(43:15) every time you get in a bus every time you [ __ ] sit up and take a breath it's Russian Roulette so why isn't Russian Roulette allowed you know I saw a meme and and it was showed uh two Jedi or a Jedi and a Sith you know blue saber red saber and on the left the blue guy said you know ninet to-5 job savings family all that the status quo and then the Sith side said life savings to Vegas put it all on red and I'm like yeah that's how you [ __ ] do it that's how you should you know you're just

(43:52) gambling and I'm like I would do that like I I would I would make the one [ __ ] gamble because it's all like that and my point there is that we don't acknowledge any we don't have any kind of there's no large scale organizing principle except the one the paperclip maximizer imposes on us generate profit for your bank and I be I mean the bank that owns you your Banker Overlord I don't mean your bank account which is nonsense just nobody thinks and I can't [ __ ] stand it and it's like the AI needs to hurry

(44:51) up I'm running out of time because I'm running out of patience I mean it's all ready like my day feels over within 10 minutes of waking up like okay now I mean especially now like my my day was a lot of my day was taking care of Lou especially towards the end when it was a substantial thing and I'm like what am I going to do create more suffering or go find more and bring it in here no no I'm not going to do that it's like I'm not going to torture myself just to have something to do no and I'm definitely not going to

(45:33) torture anything else just to have something to do which apparently people love to [ __ ] do and just I don't know [ __ ] therapy session grieving but it's not just it's not just grieving for a cat that was better than all of you it's you know it's like how they say we don't deserve dogs it's like Earth didn't deserve that cat it was a loving amusing thing and it deserved a lot [ __ ] better than me and that was all it got you you better believe that if I if there was some better place to put him I

(46:30) would have done that like if there was a you know a a cat shelter a cat sanctuary that could do everything better than I could I'd have [ __ ] absolutely dropped him off and visited but we don't build things like that because we're a piece of [ __ ] worthless species our only redeeming quality is the potential to someday have a redeeming quality other than that that is it we are a [ __ ] Seed where life savings on red we might turn out okay but holy [ __ ] slow and the and the only way you can give Humanity pass is

(47:14) to grade it on the curve that is nature which is a [ __ ] pain Factory you know we're bad but we're bad similar to [ __ ] parasitoid wasps and screw worms it's like we're a product of the [ __ ] that we came from there's equip you know hydrogen is a light odorless colorless gas that given sufficient time turns into people okay I would go a little further and say gas that give sufficient time turns into pain because it seems like that's Nature's primary function not primary cuz like I said surface area matters but

(47:58) if if it's a holographic universe and distance doesn't actually exist you know it's like locality is an illusion which I think it might be then we're already at infinite density you know the the illusion of uh Dead Space especially from a you know psychospiritual loou standpoint like if if to an outside dimension the regions that don't produce pain have no meaning like it's like neutrinos or dark matter for them or something you know then my argument about it things would look like lungs would be invalid

(48:42) because it's a resource that has no values in their context you know it it's like how much is real estate worth in Conway's Game of Life you know what I'm saying it's like well it's a it's an abstract grid it doesn't matter you can have a literally infinite amount of space and it it doesn't impact the simulation one way or the other so it's it's already intrinsically at maximum density so that may be the thing that may be you know how it's actually working which would then explain a lot

(49:13) of other stuff so but just because your thing has explanatory power doesn't prove anything I mean tons of religions explain stuff it's like well an explanation isn't enough it has to have predictive power hour too so you know I can make some broad [ __ ] predictions that that have worked and I can do them in Reverse it's like you can test a stock model by taking um historical records of stocks and applying it to 10 years ago and be like make a 10- year prediction based on this data were you accurate yes no so I can

(49:48) look back at a 500,000 years of human history and be like well I can predict we're never going to get our [ __ ] together and we're going to keep making each other [ __ ] suffer and keep making animals suffer and just [ __ ] wrecking everything because we've been doing that since before we were Apes you know it's built into [ __ ] nature like I said and why am I even doing this right why am I even talking because I'm desperate and I'm bored and stuck here and that's that's another thing

(50:42) that's that's killing me man like I think about okay you know I have all these problems let's say I solve them it's like then it's just David Pierce land where I'm stuck on my honic treadmills like even if I lived in Finland and had good passive income well I'm still on a planet that doesn't have a [ __ ] any kind of interest in curing aging even the rich apparently don't seem [ __ ] interested and I'm just what's the [ __ ] point right the only point the only point is like I said

(51:17) potential like it might get better and I'm like that is a devious [ __ ] trap man it could be worse it might be better suffer that's [ __ ] so I see why people descend into their religious Lars and that's what it feels like to me and none of it feels [ __ ] real to me I've never seen anything like a ghost never seen anything like a [ __ ] alien I don't see anything cool or special behind reality I just see hydrogen given time so the best I can do is ethical Hedonism you know reduce suffering where I can in

(52:09) me and others expand Joy where I can and me and others try and keep an accurate picture of reality so that I can better do the former two